Monday, November 29, 2004
trying something new...grandma took this picture of me when i went to visit.
posted by Ms_Bunnie 7:33 AM
thanksgiving is over and it was a good holiday this year if i do say so myself. i partially cooked up a lavish feast for friends, with the exception of the bird, which i had done at the local grocery. generally i am a fearless cook, but something about cooking a turkey seems mysterious and slightly dangerous to me, one wrong move and your guests could all end up in the emergency room with food poisoning.
my grandmother called me up the day before and asked me in her usual unintentionally hilarious way if i was planning on having any turkey myself. i reminded her that i was a vegetarian and she said, "what? even on holidays?!", it's not like taking a day off work grandma...
i served all the usuals to appease my traditional and carnivore guests, and added a butternut squash ravioli with shallots and sage butter sauce for myself. we ate until we made ourselves sick, i suspect i probably consumed at least a pound of butter along the way all on my own. fuck it, right? all the more motivation to get off my ass and get some exercise.
these days sometimes i feel better, sometimes i don't. most of the time i feel like i am sleepwalking, but that's ok with me. in a post-thanksgiving dinner food and wine induced stupor i reflected on the things i have to be thankful for, cliche i know, i choose to blame the wine, but it never hurts to count your blessing right? i ran down the usual checklist, friends, family, roof over my head, good health etc...and even the depression too. it occurred to me that it has forced me to slow down and simplify, and that might be something to be thankful for too. maybe one way to reconnect with god (or insert your preferred name for the divine here) is to look at this time as a gift, a chance to get some much needed rest, reset some buttons, and move forward, stronger, in a new direction and i am in no hurry to get it done.
as i was saying to a friend, if i had fallen down a mountain while skiing and shattered my leg, no one would be confused if i needed to wear a cast for 3 months, crutches and maybe even a wheelchair would be in order, no questions asked. well, that's exactly how i feel, shattered, but on the inside. i lost one of the most important people in my life. he was the man who raised me, taught me everything i know about being an individual, and is the person who i still hold up to measure all others by. is it really so shocking that i would be devastated? unfortunately they don't make casts for hearts yet.
posted by Ms_Bunnie 7:24 AM
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