Thursday, November 18, 2004
hi everyone,
just stopping by for a minute to tell you all not to worry. apparently i got everybody a little concerned with my last post. it's true, i am upset, and i am probably technically depressed, i have had a lot on my mind recently. i am feeling a little better now and will explain it all more clearly in the next day or so. thanks for all of the (mostly) supportive emails, they helped in more ways than i expected.
love to all,
bunnie
posted by Ms_Bunnie 4:45 PM
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Monday, November 15, 2004
ok, so i am still not posting, and i realize i am probably losing most of my audience, but you know what? fuck it. i don't hardly care much anymore, about that or anything else really. to me all of the lights have gone out.
i sleep, i cry, i lay on my bed and do nothing but look at the duvet cover, i antagonize my husband, i let my mind listlessly wander to no conclusions, i clean, i bake. i am becoming more defined by the things i do not understand as opposed to the things that i do, or at least thought i did.
i do not return phone calls, answer my emails, or want to see any of my friends. i do not eat well, go to my exercise classes, or keep up with my trashy television shows. i won't get dressed, but wear the same pajamas for days, taking them off for boiling hot baths and then putting them back on. for the first time in my life when i look in the mirror i can see my age.
i would worry that the delicate balance between being an idealist and a misanthrope has been upset, leaving a wide crack for bitterness to seep in, but i don't have the energy. there isn't much fight left in me.
posted by Ms_Bunnie 11:21 AM
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