Thursday, September 02, 2004

i would like to take a minute to remember my friend noah who passed this monday afternoon.

i have been volunteering 3 days a week at the local cat shelter for about the last 4 years now. as far as shelters go it's a wonderful place for a cat in trouble to end up, we have no cages, just a big room with cubby holes for sleeping, and cat trees for climbing, and toys all over the floor. if a cat comes into our care they never have to worry about not being adopted out fast enough because no matter what state they are in they are free to live out the rest of their lives with us.

some cats come and go quickly, the young ones, the cute ones, the friendly ones, but we have a fair number of what i refer to as "the untouchables". these are cats that have been so damaged by whatever it was that happened to them before they came to us that they will most likely never trust a human being again. these are the ones that scatter when i put my key into the lock and eye me with suspicion from behind furniture, and for the first 3 years i knew him i thought noah was one of them.

if you walked too closely to him he would slink down and skulk across the floor into a corner, never taking his eyes off of you. but noah was a pretty smart cat, he watched me all the time and saw how when i opened the door all of the friendly cats would jump down from where they were and swirl around my feet looking for rubs and attention. after awhile he would circle the perimeter of my cat cluster, but still if i looked directly at him he would be under the table in a flash. one day i could hear him purring as he stood on the edge, but still, if i looked at him he would run...that's when i knew that he wasn't untouchable at all, he was frightened, but he wanted affection so badly that he would purr at just the proximity of it. upon this little revelation i decided to make noah one of my special projects.

everyday i saw him i would say his name over and over, and creep a little closer to him, never looking at him though, and pretty soon i got close enough to get a scratch between his shoulders. i have never seen a cat look so relieved. he was still skittish for awhile, but i stuck with him and soon enough he became one of my most loyal babies, flopping on the ground purring and flexing his paws whenever i said his name. he knew the sound of my key in the lock before i even opened the door and was always waiting for me.

this monday he wasn't looking well, he was listless and a little dehydrated. one of the other volunteers took him into the vet and in the brief moments waiting to be seen he laid down in his carrier and died. i hope he was comfortable, i hope he wasn't frightened, i hope he didn't feel alone, and i hope that this last year we spent together brought some pleasure into what i suspect had been a long and lonely life for him. i will miss him very very much.

noah reminded me the when it comes to animals there is no such thing as love without heartbreak and today i will be playing songs 2 and 3 off of modest mouse's good news album in his memory. neither song is a memorial or about death, but the pairing of them reminds me of all of the sweetness, sadness and joy that come with completing a tour on this planet. sometimes i wish blogs came with a soundtrack.

posted by Ms_Bunnie 6:29 AM
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Monday, August 30, 2004

i know when i am defeated.

i knew when i was reduced to driving home in my underwear because my clothes were completely covered in fleas. there were so many of them i had no choice but to take off everything and leave it. i have bombed and i have sprayed repeatedly, but those fuckers hatch faster than i can kill them. unable to face the idea of them on me again i went to the hardware store and bought a giant orange rubber rain suit and sealed myself into it with duct tape. it helped, they couldn't get on me, and when i was finished feeding the cats i could rinse them all off with the hose, but still, it makes me itch just looking at them.

have you ever seen a flea close up?

revolting

i keep thinking of the poisonous ones from city of the lost children, the ones that would inject the hypnotic poison. if these fleas did that they might be more interesting but these are just your common garden variety nasty filthy little bloodsuckers. the owners of the house have returned home and the problem is out of my lap. the war of the flea is over, time to call the exterminator.

and speaking of revolting, i told lauren a story i read about ants coming out of a kids eye in india and she proceeded to top me by telling me one about a little kid she saw eating bloated ticks off of a dogs ear and then seeing blood dribble down his chin. eeeewwww. i rivaled that one later last night. at 4am my cat was sleeping next to me and suddenly retched. i rolled over to shoo her off the bed before anything bad happened and rolled my bare ass into a pile of fresh hot cat vomit. it is by far the most disgusting thing that i has ever happened to me and i used to pee on people and sew their lips shut for a living.


posted by Ms_Bunnie 5:31 AM
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