Wednesday, August 11, 2004
gotta keep this short, lightening struck again (no one was hurt and nothing burned down this time) but the modem on my computer is blown again so things will be slower than usual in the email department for the next week or so. as if it were possible for me to answer and email any more slowly...
posted by Ms_Bunnie 2:35 PM
i try to run a health conscious household, with regard to myself in particular, Mister in the peripheral, and for the BigMan not at all. i have tried in vain for years to curtail his bad habits, even though i know it's a hopeless cause because BigMan is deeply attached to his corporeal pleasures. his life rests on making up for all of the things he was denied in his youth, a list that covers a wide range of topics from sports, to collectibles, to a near obsessive interest broadway musicals (his mother thought they were obscene and refused to let him see them) this gluttonous zeal extends to all of his passions, but for now lets focus on the food.
another friend of his recently recommended that in an effort to improve his health and possibly reduce his size he should keep a food diary. he hasn't started it yet but i imagine that within a few days it will be a read that is the gastronomic equivalent of the national enquirer or the weekly world news. absolute pure salacious trash: ice creme, soda by the gallon, butter slathered over everything, huge steaks, indian food every other day, and chinese buffet on the ones inbetween. i could take an old shoe and as long as i battered it and deep fried it i bet i could get him to eat it. to say he has peculiar notions about nutrition would be disingenuous, to say he gives NO thought to the consequence of what passes his lips would be much more accurate.
i ran into him in the kitchen last night around 1am, having a lite evening snack of kentucky fried chicken honey wings, cashew nuts, ice cream and pink lemonade soda. his eating habits are a long running joke between us so as i surveyed his meal i giggled and asked him how his diet was going.
he said, "good, very good. i think i have figured it all out."
feeling a little doubtful after viewing his plate and impending glee over his potential answer i asked him what he had figured out.
he tells me, "all i need to do is walk and go to the bathroom."
silence and a quizzical look were all the prompting he needed for elaboration.
"the other day i woke up and i put my pants on and i couldn't get them buttoned at all. usually i can kind of move stuff around in such a way that eventually i can get them buttoned. but not yesterday, so i left them unbuttoned and belted them as best i could and then went to the city to see shows. i walked around all day and had a nice dinner. then today i woke up and had indian food for lunch and came home and spent a long time on the toilet. when i was finished and stood up and my pants buttoned! obviously i lost weight..."
i continued to stand in a now stunned silence.
he went on excitedly, "see? i have figured out the secret to weight loss, i can eat whatever i want and as long as i go to the bathroom regularly i lose weight! it's brilliant! i should market this for tv."
i trembled trying to control myself to keep from laughing as i tried to explain that going for a stroll and having a really big poo did not meet the standard for a weight loss regimen.
he waived me off with a spoonful of ice creme and said, "but my pants button don't they? that's all that counts."
unable to argue with that i wandered back to bed
posted by Ms_Bunnie 8:58 AM
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Sunday, August 08, 2004
i know i haven't been posting much lately.
i was tempted to pretend that it was because i have been busy busy busy, and if i did say that it would be at least partially true. summer is always my busiest time of year for work, the good weather makes it conducive to taking on big household projects. plus in my free time (wait, free time? what's that?) i joined a gym, am feeding 8 cats for someone twice a day, began casting and handpainting 400 cement paving stones, have a huge writing project due on the 20th and a new photo in the works...so if i said i was busy i wouldn't be lying.
but that isn't really it.
what's really it is that i have been a little depressed and i don't much feel like talking, here or anywhere else. it all started when we went out 2 weeks ago for our usual thursday night out of drinking at our local (i.e. only) bar. because it is the only bar in town we get quite a cross section of patrons, mostly rummies and republicans, but that's cool, everyone needs a place to drink right?
i am friendly to everyone, but don't really reveal a whole lot about myself because i grew up in a small town just like this one and i know how these things work. information is ammunition. so imagine my surprise when i get into an innocent conversation with one of the local barstool warmers and he says, and i am not even sure how we got to this but anyway, he said the phrase "a girl with a reputation like yours..."
excuse me? a reputation like what?
he was like, " you know..."
no, actually i don't know, if i did i wouldn't ask.
so he explains to me that its been going around the bar that i am some sort of porn star/whore. and i am thinking, you have got to be fucking kidding me. if i were a porn star would i be living here, in w.a.s.p.ville usa? hell no, i'd be out in l.a. on my back in the middle of a pile of money. i don't even have fake tits for christs sake. before i was married i never fucked, made out with, or even went out to dinner with any guys in my town. i was a paragon of chastity, a completely new role for me mind you, but hey, what difference does a little reformation make when there dirt to be flung?
i traced the rumors back to the source and was somewhat surprised at who it was, someone i thought was a friend. granted, i should have known, he was hitting on me last year but stopped talking to me as much when it became clear it was going nowhere. i am deeply disappointed he would behave this way.
it's disappointing on a human level, but what's worse is that it is so cliche! i mean really, cant he get a little more creative than resorting to the old scarlet letter routine? so what if i WAS a porn star? would that somehow negate every other aspect of my existence? would i suddenly become less kind? less compassionate or honest? would i somehow mean less?
spreading that rumor was a pathetic attempt to take me down to a one dimensional character, something that can be easily dissected and dismissed, but it aint gonna work. i have been slandered by far better men than him and beaten it. in fact i will reference the years 1989 though 1992, otherwise known as high school, where i endured a daily onslaught of this kind of crap from any number of people, so one fat old sad case in a bar telling lies isn't going to bring me down.
Mister says i shouldn't care what they think, and i don't, what has me all upset is the lying. its always the lying that upsets me. i could take all this stupid bullshit if i knew it was coming, but the idea of all these people smiling to my face and then talking about me behind my back makes me crazy. its a short stop from to anxiety and paranoia for me. i have lost faith in my ability to tell a genuine from a phony and as a result i don't feel like talking to anyone much.
why do people always have to suck so much? is entropy of character inevitable? it sure seems that way sometimes.
posted by Ms_Bunnie 8:08 PM
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