Friday, May 07, 2004

i dont know what it is lately...i think i am losing interest in the internet.

maybe its a weather thing. winters are so conducive to indoor amusements, its easy to settle in front of the monitor, or behind the camera, but summer is another story entirely. all i want to do is get up early, go outside and work in my garden till i drop of exhaustion at sunset.

we have about 2 acres of overgrown, untended land infested with tree killing vines. there's hardly anything growing that would be considered little more than a weed. i arm myself with the loppers and hack my way through the tangle, i rake miles of leaves, i build rock walls, i prune, i haul, i dig...matters are not made any easier by the fact that the owner of the property holds the international title for LAZIEST MAN IN THE WORLD and has used the back yard as his own personal dump for the last 25 years. i have excavated tons, literally tons, of trash from the garden behind the house. in addition we have 3 (3!!!) cars on various parts of the lawn that do not work, 3 that do work, and one that thinks about working sometimes. that is 7 cars people...7 fucking cars. if i didnt know better i would think we were a family from a john waters film.

so forgive me if i am distracted but at this point in time the day to day mundanities are far more interesting to me than my ephemeral life in the net. i like digging in the dirt, i feel grounded, safe, and happy...but at the same time less creative. i havent taken a new photo in months and i let the lapses in my blogging get longer and longer. i am not really sure why.

maybe i think i have nothing interesting to talk about...after all how much is there to say about working at a big tag sale and gardening? i thought maybe i should start organizing and writing up some of my favorite stories from the past, dominatrix days and club kid nights...lots of good story fodder to be composted. i was ready to submit and give up one of my old favorites, completely vintage bunnie, the kind of tale i could tell in my sleep...but first i consulted a friend of mine, who wrote me and said:

A blog is the purest form
of personal performance art. By its very existence,
you define it, and it can be whatever you want it to
be. Your hitrate alone should assure you that there's
people out there who want to know what you're doing,
be that gardening, making taramasalata, or rubbing
peanut butter into your nipples.

So if you decide that your blog is to be a gardening
diary, and that the only photos you're going to take
are going to be a day-by-day carrot growth chart, then
that's what it is. If you lose 99.956% of your readers
by doing that, then that's ok too - your blog isn't
something that you do for other people, it's something
you do for yourself.

well fuck me if he isnt right.

i forgot the plot, that i am not here for you, i am here for me. maybe that is what has been hanging me up with the photos too...i became so distracted by thinking i had to be perfect, that i had to please my audience, i forgot what it was all about in the first place. that this is MY space...i can do something with it, or nothing and since i pay for it i dont owe anyone a goddamn thing. i dont have to take a photo for a fucking year if i dont feel like it. sure i will lose my audience but in a way...so what?

i love that you all are out there, that i have communication with you, but it isnt what brought me here in the first place and it shouldn't be what keeps me here. i am here because this is the one place in the universe where i dicate all the rules. so maybe someday i will go through some of my old stories because some of them really are worth telling, but it isnt going to be because i am afraid, it is going to be because i feel like it. for now it might just have to be gardening.
posted by Ms_Bunnie 3:35 PM
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Monday, May 03, 2004

i know i know, whats the deal right? bunnie isnt answering mail, taking new photos, or updating her blog...

i promise everything will go back to normal, soon, today in fact. my charitable obligation ends at noon today and then i get my life back. as much as i have missed all of my usual internet activities i have to say i have had an absolute blast working on this sale. i loved meeting all the people in my town, and i bought a lot of crap.

several abosolutely terrifiying guatemalan devil masks, a group of mammy dolls (i am not a doll person usually but these were really cool and when i dont want them anymore i can just whack them up on ebay and get my $ back), a nazi airfighter helmet (it was a gift), a small picnic set for mister L and i to take on our walks, some canvas bags for grocery shopping since i have decided plastic bags are waste and wont use them anymore, and my biggest find, a kittywalk.

do you not know what a kittywalk is? ehh well, essentially it is a little netted run for indoor cats to be able to go outside safely...finally, stinky no longer has to jealous of the comings and goings of splat. no more baleful cries at the window while he watches her cavort and kill thing on the lawn. you can have a look at the one i got here:

http://www.catsanddogspa.com/kittywalkdeckandpatio.html

so we set it up and drop the little stinkbomb in it and see what happens. he seems initially freaked but then starts to notice the birds and squirells and things and chills out...but then i started thinking that he looked limited. he can only really go in a straight line for about 6 feet, that must get pretty boring so i go online and look at the other products and i see this:

http://www.catsanddogspa.com/kittywalktownandcountry.html

fucking ridiculous. i must have it.

mister L has threatened me with bodily harm if i buy it but i cant escape the idea of having a miniature netted city on my front lawn. maybe my natural apathy for spending money will win out over my need to pamper and amuse my cat, but i wouldnt count on it.
posted by Ms_Bunnie 4:52 AM
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