Friday, November 21, 2003
i have kept a diary off and on more or less since i could write. the first one i remember having was a little red vinyl hello kitty book with a lock on the cover. in fact i still have it, along with the 20 or so other books i have collected over the years. sometimes i write a lot, sometimes i dont write for months, but to me somewhere along the way i have formed the inherent opinion that existence is pointless without documentation.
however, the lesson i have learned repeatedly is that with documentation comes trouble. i have never had a diary that has not been read, the reading of which usually results in some sort of personal drama. my solution was initally to keep 2 diaries, one that could be left around and one i would keep hidden, but that only works as long as the second one isnt found, which of course it always is. so then that led me to keep 3, one in the open, one decoy secret one, and then one really super secret one. can anyone guess what happened? of course you can...
so what does this have to do with life now you might wonder (or you might not) since this diary is online and obviously public how can it be stolen and read? the short answer is that it cant, but it has raised a whole new set of problems. when i began this page it was intended for strangers, people who i would never see, but through one means or another it is now in the hands of most of my friends, people i see or speak to on a near daily basis. on the one hand i am pleased that they can share something i have worked so hard at putting myself into. on the other hand it can be quite frustrating. i have to self censor for fear that i may hurt or annoy someone. i have to constantly make sure that i do not tread on toes because i have to face the fallout of it in real life. i want to be honest about the things that are going on in my life, or even the things in others lives that inspire tangents of thought (which often leads to the creation of art) but how do you do that and not hurt feelings?
my super awesome web guy heard my whining and created an online super secret diary, just for me, but we have seen the luck i have had with those before and i am too chicken shit to actually use it. so for now i am stuck. mentally constipated you might say...
sugesstions are appreciated.
posted by Ms_Bunnie 11:11 AM
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