Thursday, June 19, 2003
i spoke to my ex a few nights ago on the telephone. he hasnt met mister L yet and so we are going to drive to upstate new york to hang out. some might think it strange introducing the new one to the old one but we broke up ages ago and have been friends ever since (not that it was always easy) an additional bonus is that our old roomate Sacred is currently staying with him as well, which is cool because i haven't seen him in like 7 years.
while i was on the phone i told bry about this web site and he couldnt believe it. he knew i took photos and that i have always kept a journal but it was unfathomable to him that i would post it publicly. you see i wasnt always such an exhibitionist, in fact i used to be obsessivly uptight about keeping my journals private, back when i used to write everything in those little hardcover black and white speckled notebooks. gosh i had a million of them, i have been keeping them loosely since i was 14. the problem was the more tight fisted i got about gaurding my privacy the more i was doomed to have it violated. i can't even count the number of times i have had my journals stolen and read. even Bry himself did it once, at the end of our relationship. i wont tell you what he read, but i will say it was a nasty bit of business that sent us all into a tailspin. on refelction it was good thing, because it forced us out of our very bad situation and made us all go in new directions, but at the time it was all very ugly and dramatic. thanks god we are all here to laugh about it now because for awhile i wasnt so sure.
the last time it happened i was living in miami with this guy and we were sort of supposed to be going out, but i wasnt into it. i decided to keep a decoy journal, one that i could leave out and another that i could keep hidden. well i suppose that plan was flawed because one day i came home from a night out and he was there holding the book and shaking it saying "YOU, i KNOW what you have been up to!!!". now he definately had the right to be mad about what he read, because basically it was all about me catting around behind his back, but the great thing about someone reading your journal is it gives you the pretense to be just as mad back for invasion of privacy. he claimed that he just stumbled upon it, but i find that a little hard to swallow because it was in the back of a very large closet under 2 crates of socks. he was livid, i was livid and it all sort of evened out in the end. our relationship ended that day but somehow amaziongly we still managed to stay friends and live together for another 6 months. that was the last paper diary i ever kept.
in the end i just figured fuck it. i have no control over these things and the more i try to the more i get screwed over in the end. perhaps i should just give up trying to keep everything pinned down and just put it all out there. there are many diarists i admire for thier ability to be so open and honest even if it isnt always flattering, so why not try to include myself among them (or at least near them) and so this web site was born. read it, dont read it, i dont give a shit anymore, and that is so liberating.
posted by Ms_Bunnie 7:04 AM
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